Pattern Seeker Gifts

Selling aspirin outside a Bridget Riley exhibition.

"He came to help me pick out a pattern that I won't just get tired of after 30 or 40 years."

"It's weird how you can see a face in just about anything if you're looking for it."

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

Teapot

The Art Student.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Pampered and poodled.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"I don't like your application."

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Mister Pretty Shoes

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"Do you do much walking?"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'I'll take it!'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...