Patio Sipper Pillows

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Someone's sending us a tweet...it says 'more seed, please!'"

"Whine and cheezed party."

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

A very fine vintage

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

Anton's Bar and Grill

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Lady on left - 'He's a man after my own heart' Lady on right - 'A cardiologist?'

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

'I've still got the fire in my belly, but for the next two weeks I'm solar powered.'

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"You need a hobby."

'What a relaxing vacation. I've even lost track of the news cycles!'

New for Fall

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

Homeworking has really been the death of the office party, what do you think?

'They sat in an etape, playing bezique and swilling skookum saloop.'

"Listen...Tonight I'll decide when I've had enough"

Gin-etic Engineering

Singles Night: 'No, no, it's not you, the problem's with me - it's just that I'm cursed with good taste.'

'Better steer clear of the red meat - I'll have pink salmon with a few blue mussels, green peas, black eyed beans and a bottle of rose.'

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

"Hello, I'm Mike McBride of News Thirteen vacation for Harry Short."

"We start with black coffee and then add a lot of stuff so it doesn't taste like black coffee."

Desert Island Fishing

Book Prediction Club

"Friday, meet bank holiday Monday."