Shoe Sipper Pillows

"Do those shoes taste funny to you?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Whine and cheezed party."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Running Latte

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

A very fine vintage

Anton's Bar and Grill

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"'60 Minutes' is on."

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

Lady on left - 'He's a man after my own heart' Lady on right - 'A cardiologist?'

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

Can I get you another coffee?

"You need a hobby."

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"Transitioning from home to office again is more difficult for some than others."

"Listen...Tonight I'll decide when I've had enough"

"You taught him to bring the paper?" "Just the comics."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."