Patient Of The Plant Pillows

'Of course, they're healthy - they listen to me far better than my patients do.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Man transplants plant in his garden.

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

'Bored?'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

Man is injured transporting cacti.

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Are you going to move?"

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

A feast in a hospital bed.

I've got lettuce, snow peas and radishes planted. Seeds. Next I'll plant beans, zucchini, leeks and chard. Plus tomatoes and basil. A lot of work for stuff no one wants to eat.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

"Oh no, Daisy's committing herbicide!"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

'Heaven welcomes botanists, we've millions of extinct plants that need classifying!'

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"