Paternal Figure Pillows

"Stop saying my name, I'm trying to stay incognito! Too many former partners looking for alimony payments in this neighbourhood..."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Barack Obama's To Do list.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

BLESS YOU

Trappist talk show.

Spilled Milk

"I feel I need to take a break from academia."

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

Baby Bird

"They're really more like a bucket list."

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

Yossi's mother couldn't understand why he was struggling socially.

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"My Marcia has always been so talented in so many areas. I only hope she finds a direction for herself and gets married."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Where did we go wrong?'

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

"That's not the real me."

What the numbers are telling us

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"

"I'm stepping down to spend more time with my Callaway Mack Daddy PM-Grind wedges."

"Can I move in with you?"

"I'm not surprised that it's a bad school report. Statistics indicate that children get their intelligence from their fathers!"

"Shhh, Daddy's painting – snack time can wait."

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

"I thought that sperm-bank donors remained anonymous."

'Well, my political life ended in 1982, but I didn't make it HERE until last Monday.'