Patent Pro T-Shirts

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"I need an appointment."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Yes, sir, what can I do for you?'

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I'm Necessity and this is my son, Invention."

The man who invented the wheel/The man who patented the wheel.

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Around here it got a little tricky...

Intellectual Property

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

When a speaker says '...to make a long story short,' you've already been there 3 hours.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'