Patch Pal Gifts

'Why are you wearing nicotine patches on your eyes?' - 'It stops me finding my cigarettes.'

I quilt therefore I am

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"No, wait a minute. I'm King. You're Rex."

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

"Hi, kid! Did you watch 'Sesame Street' today?"

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Over the years, Marvin began to look like his bull mastiff.

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Joseph and his coat

Boy with soccer spot patch on eye next to pirate.

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Roaches, rats, mice, fleas, silverfish… we're all the family of vermin."

'This one's for clearing my browser history. This one's for emptying my cache. This one's...'

I once flew faster than a speeding bullet

He said nothing about being cremated before his remains were scattered on the pitch.

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

Be a friend.

Dog bath

The King's New Robes.

Mammoth bone and the dogs.

"Listen...Tonight I'll decide when I've had enough"

'Can't you just hand me a plastic worm?!'

'Well played, sir.'

Exercise rat race