Past Offense Analyst T-Shirts

'There you go, bringing up the PAST again!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

Centaur Forward

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Wilfried Zaha

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

Lost Season

Basketball.

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

Kobe Bryant

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'