Passive-aggressive Ponderer Gifts

Road Guilt

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Crowded Ice Fishing

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

Max Weber

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Lost and Profound.

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

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