Passive-aggressive Ponderer Gifts

Road Guilt

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

Lost and Profound.

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Caption Contest TK

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

George Santayana

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Jealousy

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'