Party Philosopher T-Shirts

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Social Networking - Outsider.

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"And just who the hell are you to tell me I'm entitled to my opinion?"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

"What part of Canada that I know nothing about are you from?"

"It's sweet of you to blame male attitudes, but I like to think I'm neurotic in my own right."

'Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert.'

'I'm a writer. Boilerplate.'

The party is over.

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"People used to think of Miriam as zany. Later, she was generally perceived as kooky. Now, I'm afraid, the consensus is that's she's flaky."

'It's a great party. Everyone here is more insecure than I am!'

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

"I think of you as being enormously alive."

Rather than rely on a hunch to decide who gets into a trendy nightclub, bouncers now Google each person.

"Surely you remember my husband?... You may not recognise him standing up."

'Nice of you to ask. My bronchitis is acting up, I have a collapsed lung, my acid-reflux is terrible, I have a heart murmur...'

What do you do...I don't know why I'm asking, I don't give a toss...

'I get no kick from Champagne, mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...' 'God, reformed alcoholics are so damned smug!'

"Of course I would not tell Christians how to pray. That would be like Christians telling me what to do with my body."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Poor guy is saddled with total recall. He remembers everything the New York Times has printed in the last 45 years."

'Me? I'm working on a book - 'Sex Beast: My year of meaningless and degrading sexual encounters'.'

Club insecurity.

Birthdays, great days for addressing your drinking!!

'How do you do? I'll be your wife's ex-husband, when she gets around to divorcing me.'

'Edward's at that awkward age.'

No I have not been to the dordogne,edinburgh festival or a villa in tuscany

'For some reason, people tend to view me as arrogant, despite my superior virtues and academic aptitude...'

"Eve and I go back a long way"

'Do you suppose nobody pays any attention to us because we've only been married once?'

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'