Party Ethicist T-Shirts

'...46 and still have Principles...'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

The Price of Freedom

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

The Secret Sauce of American Exceptionalism

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

'If you start granting amnesty for people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following his conscience.'

"So he said, 'Where's your moral compass?' So I ate him."

If we run with this account, we'll be accused of being ethically challenged and morally bankrupt...anyone got a problem with that?

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

Ethics ethics.

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

10 Commandments Exceptions.

'Then, as you can see, we give them some multiple choice tests.'