Party Magician T-Shirts

"Escape is within your grasp, if only you summon the courage to say 'excuse me'."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Come dine with me!

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Smoke and mirrors.

You're the sizzle in my roast!

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Surprise in the salad bowl

Two Players both holding the same cue.

Hot pot

Inkwell Genie.

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

The legend of Chef Arthur.

"Fridge-to-table"

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."