Party Magician T-Shirts

"Escape is within your grasp, if only you summon the courage to say 'excuse me'."

Moses parting the birthday cake

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Come dine with me!

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

Smoke and mirrors.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Surprise in the salad bowl

You're the sizzle in my roast!

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Hot pot

Inkwell Genie.

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

"More?"

The legend of Chef Arthur.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Fridge-to-table"

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."