Party Conversationalists Pillows

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

Bla Bla Bla