Party Conversationalists Gifts

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.