Partisanship T-Shirts

"That nearly spells 'Democrat'! We can't have any of that!"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

Balancing two espresso martinis

"I am so attracted to you right now."

Beers

Shaken not stirred

The devil you know and his plus one

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"Whine and cheezed party."

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

"Why can't you ever relax at parties?"

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

Whale Piñata.

"Ugh, I was afraid he'd be here."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"...and what do you think will happen if you do attend the party?

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

Angry wife: 'Oh well DONE Keith! Why didn't you tell me the invite said BRING your own spirits?!'

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

Signs of prehistoric party behavior.