Particle Physicist Gifts

"I'm tired of being an electron."

Large Hadron Dating Service

Neutron, Proton, Electron, Moron!

'Sale - monopole magnets - 50% off'

'Surrender God! We have your particle!'

String Theory

"Well I did consider a career as a 'nursie'...but then I opted for the more rewarding option of specialising in particle physics and nanotechnology."

"Hey everybody - we've discovered the Higgs boson! It was hidden under this big pile of equations all this time."

'Gentlemen, I propose we send the neutrinos on a speed awareness course.'

'I was only saying to the wife last night professor, this Higgs Boson particle business - what do you make of it?'

'You're awfully small for a proton - Are you sure you're not an ELECTRON?'

'So what we thought was dark matter is really dark energy.'

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

"Once you have a collider, every problem starts to look like a particle."

"You should not trust an atom. They make up EVERYTHING!"

"This job could lead to smaller things."

"Ahem...any other reasons why you think you'd be suitable for working at the Large Hadron Collider?"

"It appears you've found a new particle."

Somewhere in the Swiss countryside...'Those damn particles are loose again.'

'Fine, I'll say it - the Hadron Collider was a bad idea! Are you happy now, Bob?'

The loneliness of the particle physicist...'Everyone's interested in things that are much, much larger.'

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."

Matter and Anti-Matter.

Quantum Physics

"You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order."

Physicist Frank Bartholomew gets a big, BIG break in his search for the ever-elusive neutrino.

"Who says dark matter is elusive?"

"Are you certain that we have already detected all types of quarks?"

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

'Oh yeah! Well I must've found a particle THIS small.'

Nigel finds the Higgs boson.

Arc Light: Wave Division and Particle Division.

"We seem to be at that point where particle physics leaves of and theology begins."

"It's all string theory to me."

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."