Part-time Job Enthusiast Pillows

Paperboy wanted! Short round.

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Now hiring.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'I received matching offers.'

'I'll do half of it.'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

Personnel. We're overstaffed right now. With the amount of work I do, I'd hardly be noticed.

Compete with This

5 YEARS AGO

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

'Since you were previously self-employed, you shouldn't mind working for us without a health plan.'