Part-time Job Enthusiast Pillows

Paperboy wanted! Short round.

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I received matching offers.'

'I'll do half of it.'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

Lying on your CV

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'