Part-time Beach Bum Gifts

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

Desert Island Meals.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Beach con-man.

'Thank-you God.'

Bad fake tan day.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Bring your own inflatable.

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

Hiding the electronics.

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

Iliadette.

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Surfing koala.

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

Baby on board.

'It must be the dead sea.'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'I blame global warming!'