Parking Ponderer Pillows

'Oh man, I hate parallel parking.'

"Ten cents for a lousy five minutes", I thought, bitterly reflecting on a gentler time, when a single dime used to get me parking and a newspaper with enough left over to bribe the meter maid to let me off easy on my very first parking violation.

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"Hey, Brian. I can't make it to the park today, but I'll be there in spirit."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"You're right! It is much easier to explain it this way!"

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …

"Not only is it a planet the same size as earth but is has plenty of parking."

"I gave on the E train."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"I couldn't find parking in the city, so I moved home, got back with my high-school girlfriend, had a baby, and got a great deal on a new car."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

Jupid/Jupiter/Jupidest

How moons are born...

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

'I'm always on the edge of my Twickenham seat...I can't afford the full business debenture rate.'

"I gave you the wheel and this is what you did with it?"

"This is not the sort of America I envisioned, Tom-an America in which the middle class has to use public transportation."

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

Ernie, we're the first humans to set foot on Mars! This is so exciting! The whole world is watching! Whee! We need to do something for the history books. Woo hoo! Ernie, you're not appreciating the gravity of the situation. What gravity?!

'You don't have anything in a smaller size do you?'

Oil consumption.

"You're always in a bad mood when you visit."

He's not much of a philosopher