Parking Ponderer Pillows

'Oh man, I hate parallel parking.'

"Ten cents for a lousy five minutes", I thought, bitterly reflecting on a gentler time, when a single dime used to get me parking and a newspaper with enough left over to bribe the meter maid to let me off easy on my very first parking violation.

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Hey, Brian. I can't make it to the park today, but I'll be there in spirit."

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

"You're right! It is much easier to explain it this way!"

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"Not only is it a planet the same size as earth but is has plenty of parking."

"I gave on the E train."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"I couldn't find parking in the city, so I moved home, got back with my high-school girlfriend, had a baby, and got a great deal on a new car."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

How moons are born...

Jupid/Jupiter/Jupidest

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

'I'm always on the edge of my Twickenham seat...I can't afford the full business debenture rate.'

"This is not the sort of America I envisioned, Tom-an America in which the middle class has to use public transportation."

"I gave you the wheel and this is what you did with it?"

'You don't have anything in a smaller size do you?'

Oil consumption.

"Of course - we wait forever, then come at the same time,"

"You're always in a bad mood when you visit."