Park Goer Gifts

'Oh, getting old isn't so bad, except maybe for a little forgetfulness.'

How about going easy on the carbs

"It's never easy. The trick is to make it look easy."

'What ever happened to strolling?'

"Nice try, but I know a squirrel in a bird suit when I see one."

'Ever see a play called 'Zoo Story'?'

What do you take me for? I'm not feeding them - I'm poisoning them.

'Man, this guy's killing me!'

"Ma'am! Stop spoiling the birds!"

'Has it ever ocurred to you that I just might like a jumbo burger, fries and a shake?'

"I'm cutting you off."

Stone the Crows 3pm

Piracy on a boating lake

"Wow, you're right—this is hard."

"The only problem with these free meals is that we're getting too many carbohydrates!"

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"No, this isn't some kind of bait and switch operation. I just enjoy feeding the birds."

This is not what I had in mind when I joined the Council!

'Call me 'spot' one more time and I'll tear your frickin' throat out!'

In summer, the nut-jobs buried by squirrels the previous fall begin to sprout.

"Will you do me a favor and feed the vultures first?"

'This bread's actually meant for multiple ducks.'

'It all began one day when I took lunch in the park.'

'I know you told Dad not to go on the swings... I've phoned for an ambulance.'

Please Clean Up After Your Dog

Role reversal: bird and humans.

'You spoil those pigeons.'

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

"Don't worry - he jumps, but not on people."

Psychiatry in the Park

Pigeons empty crumbs from their lunchboxes.

"Could you open this for me?"

"There goes Daddy to the park again! And do you know what he does in the park? He sits! That's what he does. He sits! He goes to the park and just sits!"

"Who wants some croutons?"

"Sitting here with you is so perfect … which reminds me: You can never die."