Park Bench Philosopher T-Shirts

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

Man reading in a dark park using a streetlight as a book light

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"Not unless they're gluten-free bread crumbs."

Mission Impossible

"The 'sharing economy?' But I don't even know you!"

'No bread crumbs for me, thanks. I have allergies to wheat.'

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

"No, accepting the popcorn doesn't obligate you in any way."

"I gave at the office!"

Jurassic Parking Lot

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I AM at my usual position."

"I'm bored."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"Recess does things to a man."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

You can't get what up

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

"So where do you get all your ideas from?"

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'