Bench Philosophers T-Shirts

"Is this seat a disputed area?"

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I AM at my usual position."

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"Do you believe the world is all an illusion?" "I know it is. I know it can be bent by our collective will. When I was born, there were horses and buggies in the streets. But as soon as we all believed we could do it, we went to the moon." "Oh, I agree. That's why I'm trying to get the whole internet to retweet 'It's possible to upload our minds into immortal robot bodies.' If the entire hive mind of Earth tweets that at the same time, it's got to come true." "I hope not. I'd hate for you to end

"Been there, drunk that."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'Speaking for myself and every other right-thinking person...'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'I drink to bring about change.'

We're visiting the marine who's home on leave. Bye! Don't hurry! Sweet! We can hang here! Mmm

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"I know what women want. Her lawyer told me."

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think I know where you're going with this: Yes, he was talking about happy hour.

"Wanna swap?"

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."