Parents Separating Gifts

'Poor Olivia doesn't get very many birthday presents -- she still lives with both her original parents.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Separations.

Parson and abandoned husband

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"In"

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"No heroic measures."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"