Family Separation Gifts

"My parents have decided to homeschool me, but they haven't decided which home."

"Mommy and Daddy still love you, but we're going to try living thirteen inches apart for a while."

"I haven't seen my dad for ages: According to my mum, he's gone feral..."

Broken Family

"Son, your mother and I are breaking up."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

Parson and abandoned husband

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Separations.

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"I care that you care that I care about you caring... but I'm not sure if your caring is enough caring to make up for what I'm not caring enough about."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."