Parenting Troubleshooter Gifts

"You just wait until your father gets parental access."

'Look dear, he's prematurely bored'

"It's a note from Eddie's teacher. It seems he's stretched his imagination past the end of her rope."

"He's a real problem child."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Save us!'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

What can I play?

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

'Take my advice, and never look in the back of your computer.'

'I kinda did.'

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

Spilled Milk

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

Bedtime Story

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'

'Well, if I'm being honest, I think he's a raging narcissist.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"Kick the machine"

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?'

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

Big Brother. 'No you can't have her evicted'.

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."