Parenting Tip Collector Pillows

'You gotta try different things! Sometimes a temper tantrum works best an' somethimes sulking an' sometimes not eating!'

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

'If your parents want you excused from tomorrow's film on pollination, you'll need a note from home.'

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

'Except...That.'

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

Tip Responsibly

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe."

"I mostly rely on a collection of weird tips I've found on the internet."

"Sippy cup holders!"

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

'Here's a tip for you...if Mom gives you the look, don't give it back.'

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'Now that I'm old enough to watch these TV shows without parental supervision, they don't interest me.'

"I was only flirting to get..."

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

"Leave him a good tip, Arthur. He's really cute."

'First the birth canal, and now preschool! Where does this all end?'

"Look, Alice, if you're unhappy with your life, just do what I do: whisper you wants and needs into a cloth napkin, then crumple it up and put it in your lap."

'Dude, you shouldn't let your mom ride your skateboard.'

Earning the Tip

"Thanks and here's some gas money."

'I find I get much better service when I use a $100 bill instead of a napkin.'

"Caution: this tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."