Parenting Raconteur Gifts

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Where's your nose?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"Which one's yours?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."