Parenting Paradox Solver Gifts

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Save us!'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

What can I play?

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

Bedtime Story

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"I couldn't find a sitter."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

'Hey, Max... Want me to show you how to make water balloons?'

"SUch stupid answers on this assignment! You should have helped him a little!"

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."

'Your teacher says he finds it impossible to teach you.'

'Private schools are really expensive these days - Why don't you home-school him?'

'My parents try so hard to do the right things for me, but, unfortunately, they're always wrong.'

"He just doesn't do it for me."

'Yeah, it was wonderful to have the kids home the whole summer.'

"Then again, you can't be too agreeable. Mom will think you're up to something."