Parenting On The Edge Gifts

'It's crazy what a peep will eat.'

"He just said his first word!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

Big book of memes

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

"Support the head!"

"They came home and got straight on with their homework - apparently it's the latest craze."

Meals on Heels.

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

State Prison Child Care

"Have you noticed the kids never ask us anything since they learned to google?"

Child uses tablet to mark geographical location of donkey's tale.

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

Free WiFi On-Board

"Aw, his first mobile..."

"Baby FOMO."

"My parents are the same way. Lots of ostentatious child-rearing, very little direct nurturing."