Parenting Adventurer Gifts

Mail Order Moms

'How is it you know how to configure a home network system, but you don't know how to tie your shoes?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

Baby with projectile vomit

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Go away! I'm de-cluttering my life!'

"It gets easier the second time."

'How many kids we got now,Doris?'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

'Baby escape.'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

"Beware of children."

"Now can we have an eating experience?"

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"He's not spoiled. He's free-range."

Book: Dieting for children - 'You're not supposed to eat it'

"He's at that awkward age when he tells his teachers valuable information about his parents."

'You had twins'

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where to go for returns?"

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

"Mommie!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'How many spoons do you need to feed a baby?'

'I'll bet you didn't know the inside of our chimney has little ledges...'

'His father always 'flew by the seat of his pants.' He does too, but his flaps are down.'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

"We baby proofed the house, and it's my fault for not baby proofing you, dear."

It's a Boy

'Next time when you go out I think we should hire a proper baby-sitter!'

"I realize your daddy is a knuckle dragger but I want you to stand up straight."

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

"Rosemary's baby's teething spoon."

Temptation.

'To make it stop, you simply start screaming for no apparent reason. I'll show you what I mean...'