Parental Role Swapper Pillows

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

Baby, baby maker

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"We can still be friends, Roger. I just don't want you to be one of my vice-presidents anymore."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

"Any experience?"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

Respected Professionals

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

'So what you're telling me is you've been fired from the last 15 jobs you had.'

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

'From what you describe, it looks like it's my dad who has the Maternal Instinct...'

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

Where Are They Now?

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

'OK, I see you've worked as a driving instructor for the past 23 years.'

'I'm actually looking for a manual labourer...'

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'I'm looking into a career change away from this 'King of the Jungle' thing.'

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

'Ask your other father.'

'I've found your niche, Wilson. I'm transferring you to our day care center!'

'I lost my job at the farm, so I decided to try out nit-picking as a career...'

I've turned to the darkside!