Parental Raconteur T-Shirts

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

The Family Joules: Part 21

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

Children's Party

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'It's a horror-comedy.'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

Scenes from a Vacation

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."