Parental Ceo Gifts

'Mom, we've hired a few people to fill in for you while you relax on Mother's Day.'

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Balancing work and family

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Acclaimed mother.

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'Keep in mind, some assembly is required.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'My mom is really important in our house. She's the cook, housekeeper, nanny, lanundress and the boss.'

'Congatulations! It's a PDA!'

Super express lane for working mothers only!

"Your dad sure worries a lot."

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

"I figured out how to get them to clean up the leaves. I hid their phones in them."

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

You did a hostile takeover of the corner lemonade stand? Why not? It's operated by Timmy. He's seven. He's a big boy. By seven, I had three ice cream carts. Besides, I made his investors an offer they couldn't refuse. We'll split the six free espressos. Waaaaah!

"Head of household? Now, who would that be?"

'My drug problem is a little different. I'm being drug to P.T.A meetings, drug to little league practice, drug to dance rehersal, drug to...'

"It started with sneaking kale into their spaghetti. Before I knew it I was sneaking homework into their video games."

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

Self-driving stroller

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Never underestimate the power of parents in groups. Built by the Stonehenge Playground Committee.

Mom's Gym

'Some days it's hard to keep one step ahead of them.'

"I see your problem, honey. You're doing everything 'waterfall'. You should switch to 'agile'."

Man sits as a desk with a 'DAD' placard.

"Ok, so maybe cross-dressing camp wasn’t such a great idea after all."

"Daddy promises he'll be there the next time you kick butt, honey."