Parental Advisors T-Shirts

'Yes, you can go out, but remember, I can spot you from a long way away: You'd better behave!'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

Warring parents

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Soccer Moms

Mom's The Boss

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

'You look down, son. You wanna rock about it?'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'It's making me happy.'

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"