Parent Of A Two-year-old Pillows

Terrible Twos Bullying

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

Early Night Club

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"I'm going to need a pediatrician, two vets and an ornithologist."

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

Sweets

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'We're letting you board first so the rest of the passengers will know where not ... uh, to sit.'

Childhood's End

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

"Mum...I have to do number five million, seven hundred and twenty seven thousand, six hundred and twenty ones!"

Child wanting to play with traditional toys.

'I told him that you said people should share things with the less fortunate!'

MEN, WOMEN, 'What are KIDS supposed to do?'

"No kidding? And it took me 20 minutes to climb up here!"

'I went to school with Mary today: Boy that was fun!!' (colour)

"There's a lesson here, son. Being rich doesn't stop it from raining,"

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'

American Toddlers vs British Toddlers

"Charles — we missed you at playgroup."

'I need a helping hand.'

"Ooooh, Mommy...do these things come with instructions?"

Hug Robot going silent

'Look,Mum, that poor man's got toothache too!'