Parent Conference Pro T-Shirts

A veteran of hundreds o parent-teacher conferences, fifth grade teacher Sheila Wurtz was prepared for anything.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

A mother and baby elephant

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

A Tit for Tat.

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Changing the baby.

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool