Parent-child Bonds Gifts

'I've got to have a talk with my mother. She thinks the stork brought me.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'Mom, Dad just got a nibble.'

First Steps

Boy on father's knee

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Young Godzilla.

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

'Dad, try to catch some jellyfish to go with my peanut butter.'

'Great teamwork Joey!'

"Next to my two years in the Marines, you're the best thing I've ever done."

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

A woman carrying a child carrying a teddy bear

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

Sweets

"C'mon, Dad...did you really think you and your kids would agree on everything? I say 'yes'...you say 'no'...maybe father and son are just a little bit different!"

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

"Is there something wrong with the car, Mom?"

"What's it to be Dad? Two quid or Handels water music in G flat?"

'Pick up your feet when you walk.'

Caveman's son on stone inline skates

"You call that a made bed?"

Naive.

'Young man, face it. There's not going to be a regime change around here!'

"There's a lesson here, son. Being rich doesn't stop it from raining,"

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'