Paranoid Emailer Pillows

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

The Eternal Question

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

Mary had a little spam

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'I don't know what it is...I just have this funny feeling like I'm being followed.'

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

'Have we found a scandal in here?'

Spam Folders

"Look, it's just a cold. . . ok?. . . It is not, I repeat, not! The Coronavirus."

"All our devices are talking to each other - about me."

"...And never take candy from strangers -- They might be spies!"

"Skin cancer. . . terrorism, I'm not taking any chances!"

'Your call is important to us. Santa no longer accepts letters. Please email all requests to: letters@santa.com please state whether you've been good or bad. . .'

"I want to be a spam master when I grow up. You'll find a sample of my work on your computer."

What's wrong with me? I'm sure it's nothing. What's nothing? Absolutely nothing to worry about. "I'm sure it's nothing" are the evilest words in medicine!!! That's actually true.

"Mmm, Spam."

'When you've found some change for the gas meter have a look a this email you got from some bloke in Africa asking you to safeguard 13 million dollars...'

This is a very friendly email program. It dots the i's and crosses the t's with mustaches.

Web (In)Security

'Any collateral other than this letter from a Nigerian banker's widow?'

"I know you're anxious about the sun but he really will be OK with factor 50."

"Oh...here comes the response from the complaints department!"

'I am the 'man with no name', and also the 'man with no e-mail address'.'

Did you finish your homework? Ungh

Hi, I need assistance in transferring $20 million from a Nigerian bankn. Careful, Ernie, that's a phishing star.

'Oh, stop fretting! No hacker wants to tap into your PC!'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Hello handsome Sadie, It's Timona here greeting you from Kiev, Ukraine. Yeah we are in great political turmoil right now, but I will let you in on a secret since we are old friends. Now is the best time for to invest in the Ukraine real estate. In 2005, for inspect, a 71 sq. meter abode sold for $7,500 US Dollars. Today it sell for at only $1,100 US Dollars. Lovely school for to nearby, as well as char