Email Skeptic Pillows

Web (In)Security

'When you've found some change for the gas meter have a look a this email you got from some bloke in Africa asking you to safeguard 13 million dollars...'

'I am the 'man with no name', and also the 'man with no e-mail address'.'

"This is your mother? She looks like a *&**&^%$?%^& to me! Awwwk! Awwwk!" "I bought him from an email ad...they said if I didn't I would have seven years bad luck."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Alternative Medicine

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Cupid misses his shot.