Paranoia Pony Gifts

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Prepper Dog

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

We have control of you brain.

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'You've got hypochondria.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

The Hypochondria Times.

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'