Paradise Humor Gifts

"Geez, those guys on Cloud 9 got slot machines!"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

Local News in Heaven

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

Shoe repair

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

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St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

'An they have the nerve to call this heaven!'

Self Service Island

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

"The last thing I remember is hearing the doctor say oops!"

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'...Well if this is heaven, why aren't you using a Mac?'

The summer the people depart, and life on Monster Island resumes its leisurely pace.

Keyboard in Heaven

'You'll have to wait a couple of minutes... we're still downloading information from your soul's black box recorder.'

"It's how I get someone's attention."

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."

Not so heavenly

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.