Par Perfectionist Pillows

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'I know it's your best round ever, but did you really have to enlarge the scorecard that much?'

"They're for water hazard holes."

"Yes you did get a hole in one on the twelfth, unfortunately we're playing on the eleventh."

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

Perfection

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"You're welcome."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.