Par Perfectionist Gifts

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'I know it's your best round ever, but did you really have to enlarge the scorecard that much?'

"They're for water hazard holes."

"Yes you did get a hole in one on the twelfth, unfortunately we're playing on the eleventh."

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Golf lessons

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Not that slowly back...'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

For sale - Used only Once.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Santa's Out Tray.

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"You're welcome."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'