Pantomime T-Shirts

'Oh no you haven't.'

'Well, one of us has screwed up!'

'Not that I think you'll need it. But good luck with the 'Jack and the beanstalk' audition.'

"He was famed for his work in Pantomime"

Lady Sangazure

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"Don't worry - it's just a stage you're going through."

"Hey, it Smee."

"Wooah... back up Julian, back up..."

Although not under the covers, a mime husband's fart inside an invisible box is still considered a Dutch oven.

A mime uses invisible box cleaner to clean his invisible box.

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

Why there are no unicorns anymore.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Pantomime auditions - 'He'd be ideal as Buttons.'...'Oh, no he wouldn't.'...'Oh, yes he would!'

Wordplay: Pantomime.

'Turn up the volume. I can't hear a damn thing.'

'As marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition, my advice is that you trade ends occasionally.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'...the panto star was knocked down while crossing a main road. Witnesses shouted a warning that the car was behind him, but he was heard to reply: 'Oh no it isn't!''

"Extreme miming"

"Oh Gary, I wish you could see this."

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Eldrow

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Cinderella waits at bus stop.

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Mime father in the delivery room.

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.