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Trial by Media

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"No Hand Sanitiser"

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

Oscars

Magic Accident

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Bunny TV.

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

'To me a re-run is only something I've already seen this morning.'

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

"C-Span is our reality television."

"The election is underway!"

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

"And now, honorary awards for the worst best-picture and the best worst-picture."

Dr. Phil cranks it up a notch.