Pandemic Preparedness Planner Gifts

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

The new global mantra flag for the future

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

COVID-19 Stops Economy

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

S.O.S. vaccine

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

Holiday Gifts 2020

Tsunami Evac Route

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

Airplane dropping vaccines.

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

Trick or Treatment.

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"Have a nice day"

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

Hand Sanitiser

I guess I just assumed we'd skip Take your child to work day this year. Chips.

Hazmat suit

"I'm not taking any chances!"

'I'm taking no chances.'

Hand Sanitizer

Chicken Noodle sold out.

Sourdough starter. Mask-making supplies. Everything else