Painter Of The Absurd T-Shirts

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Salvador Dali's cats.

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Tee hee. . . Turner Prize here I come. . .!"

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

Easter Egg Painting.

"How the hell are you?"

A Heated Argument

Hammock for Man on Desert Island with Single Tree

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

Khan Hunt

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

Man Painting Road.

'Going down?'

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'