Painter Of The Absurd Pillows

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Baseball.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

"Tee hee. . . Turner Prize here I come. . .!"

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

Paul Verlaine

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

'Going down?'

Hammock for Man on Desert Island with Single Tree

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

"How the hell are you?"

Tourist is told to go home by a monument

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'

Man Painting Road.