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Oil Painting Class

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

Jackson Pollock Studio

''Now we're the only yard in the block with a blue apple tree!'

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

Exhibition of Paint Colors.

Hazards of mouse painting

"My method of painting is pointillism."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

A Christmas tree self portrait

"This is kindergarten, Mason. You can think outside the box, but you'd better color between the lines."

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

Artist Retrospective.

Alberto Giacometti.

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

Eugene Delacroix

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

'...and you can wash that pea-green crap off - I want Magnolia.'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'You never smile at me like that!'

Queuing for a Turner, Whistle, Monet exhibition in the rain - 'Atmospheric, isn't it?'

A graffiti artist is spray painting a graffiti artist, who appears to be spraying the next graffiti artist in an optical illusion.

'It's just a first draft.'