Pain Scale Enthusiast Pillows

'This is going to be a level three.'

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

"Oceans are rising, landmass is shrinking - so far so good."

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

WORLD COUNCIL ON GLOBAL WARMING, 'I regret to report that there's no global warming threat after all - we just got Fahrenheit and Celsius mixed up.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

Lady Justice using metric scales.

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'To make matter worse, our combined weight is higher than our credit score.'

"I think he stood on a nettle."

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

'This is going to be a level three.'

'The Novocain seems to have kicked in,'

"I'd kill for 500 milligrams of naproxen."

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

"Holy cow! I've gained eight pounds!"

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

'Ooh, that's better!'

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

Climbing the Wall.

"I don't think it matters is you choose metric or imperial."

Dentist.

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

'What about your underwear? That must weigh a pound or two.'

Crater Lake

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

Rate your pain...

'Same time next week then?'

Woman puts baloons to make herself appear lighter on weighing scale.

Giant woman.

'Back pain? The beef stew is just laced with analgesics.'